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by comrade commissar | May-Lynn | @ Wednesday, June 30, 2004, 6:36:00 PM | permalink |
Five things about a seedy, illegal hole-in-the-wall Patpong sex bar:
1) It was a roomful of Singaporeans. Young couples, middle-aged uncles and aunties, every type of Singaporean except those below 18. At 19 and 3/4s, I was probably the youngest person there. As expected, all the Singaporeans pretended not to see each other, except one auntie who continually berated her silent husband in loud tones for bringing her there. 2) There were several 40-something white men who were all walking variations on the theme of Ugly - bald, fat, bald and fat, dressed in loud Haiwaiian shirts, sporting unsightly facial hair and with a diseased Patpong hostess sprawled in their laps or sitting next to them, rubbing their flabby white arms in an almost maternal manner. 3) Plus, bored, young white backpacker couples, dressed casually, nursing dubious beers and clearly only there so they could go home and boast that they've "done" the Bangkok experience. Two pairs left the place after only five minutes or so. Pity. They missed the bit where the lady with two bellybuttons yanked a string of razor-blades out of her pussy. (Holy fucking shit, I have yet to clear that out from my inner eye.) 4) I was there with a Singaporean freelance photographer and his girlfriend (made their acquaintance back at the hotel). The normally-brash photographer confessed afterwards to feeling extremely nervous and uncomfortable during the live sex act (every sexual position you can think of except those which require pulleys or extra instruments). His sweet, shy, petite girlfriend just smiled, and remained silent. 5) One of the woman performers sucked water out of a bottle with her pussy, jiggled around a bit like Pooh Bear enjoying his honey and pushed it all out into another bottle, but the water had turned to Coke inside her! My guess is food colouring tablets hidden up her hole. Still, it made me think twice about the Coke I was drinking. Conclusion: Sex bars are, honestly, not that exciting, mainly because it is more likely that you will be traumatised by the performer's shrivelled up over-50 faces than by their stunts, and because performances of a sexual nature are just not that exciting unless the performers actually look like they're into it. Everyone there - audience included - looked like they were enjoying a night out at the dentist's. And I fell asleep halfway. |
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