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| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Friday, December 31, 2004, 1:54:00 AM | permalink |
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Was looking at the small plastic fish tank in my living room today. The container with guppies inside was my mom's idea. Looking at the little bits of life moving about set me walking down memory lane.
I am 10 years old. We have a fish tank in our house. This tank is a big rectangular glass one, with variety of fishes frolicking about. Sometimes I would spend minutes staring blankly at them, swimming around in their aquatic world. One day, when I came home from school, I saw that something was wrong. The usual drone of the motor that pumped air into the fish tank & kept it oxygenated was absent. The dead silence in the living room was unnerving, considering that I had already got used to the background noise of the motor. When I got closer to the tank, I was in for a rude shock. There was something abhorring about what I saw. The fish were lumped near the water surface. Some were floating upside down. Some were bloated. They were dead. What was more obscene was the state the living were in, in that same tank. Some stayed in the depths, oblivious to their plight. Maybe its because they were all too aware, & so in an attempt to maintain semblances of normalcy, they remained in their positions of denial. Others fought for their very lives. The few that were alive near the water surface feebly struggled upwards & mouth-first every now & then, gasping for oxygen in a manner unlike their usual method of absorption through their gills. They jostled with the encroaching dead, already in various degrees of decay. What I saw before me deeply disturbed me. The manner in which the living & dead were mingled about struck me as being extremely undignifying. Up to that point in my life I have never seen death like this in the face before. I was angered, I wanted to fix the situation. I wanted to divide the living & the dead. I looked around for the fish net which my father usually used. Unable to find it, I went to wash my hands, returned to the tank, & with initial hesitation, reached in & took out the dead fish with my bare hands. By & by, all the dead fish were removed & disposed of in the toilet bowl. After every last of these were dumped in the bowl, I grimly looked at them for a brief moment. And then I pulled the flush, quickly accompanied by the gushing sound of water. It seemed strange, but the sound which I heard this one time was different. It was akin to that of mighty waves, a loud beast-like roar, that forcefully purged away what was unclean. A thankless job, but somebody had to do it. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Thursday, December 23, 2004, 2:23:00 PM | permalink |
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Recently, I worked for 4 days from 17th - 20th December for a food company. The reason they gave me the temp job was due to the expected surge in demand & sales of rice balls in the period leading up to the Chinese Winter Solstice Festival. (known also as Dong Zhi) My job requires me to oversee several supermarkets, make sure that their storage freezers have surplus supplies, & keep the island freezers in the customer aisles stocked up with packets of rice balls.
I learned several things over the next few days: * I've learnt that one cannot accurately guess at the preferred spoken language of a customer just by looking at their appearances. Made countless boo-boos of speaking either English/Mandarin to people who reply otherwise. I guess this experience made me aware of the unconscious biases I have towards/against people. * I've learnt that I probably cannot tolerate living long-term in a temperate or arctic climate. At times I got stuck in the storage freezer room for well over 15mins, trying to sort out the boxes clad in only t-shirt & trousers. On the 1st day of work, WTF.. within 5 mins my ears went numb. On the 3rd day, when I happily forgot to bring the gloves provided by my company, I had to get used to lugging boxes around without actually feeling my fingers anymore. In a spirit of black humour though, I hummed a spoof version of a Christmas Carol at these moments. I christened it "Workin' in the Winter-Wanderin' Hell" * Could you see the polar bear covering his nose, amidst the cold mist & rampant snow? Wait a minute. That's not a polar bear. That was me trying to warm my dry frozen nose with my gloves. * I've learnt that at -18 degrees celsius, ice is as hard as steel. And sharp too. The various scars I have on both of my arms, cutting little intersecting expressways into my skin, are a cute reminder of that. * Not all is bad about working in sub-zero conditions though. I quite enjoyed the experience of watching my breath escape as steam. Also, for once, I can really say my job was "no sweat!" * I've learnt that I'm very good at being a salesman without a conscience. Occasionally, I had to help promote the products to passing customers. Replies to inquiries made by old aunties about "What flavour & brand of riceballs do you like ah boy?" were well scripted "I like peanut filling alot! *grins* And, I prefer XYZ brand's riceballs! *really corny grin*" * I've learnt that even when caught under fire, I can frequently bullshit my way out. Some of the customers, weary of my gleeful answers, go on to ask - "So, boy ah, what brand are you promoting for ah?" to which I answer, "Umm, XYZ brand. *sheepish*" but I quickly continue on "BUT I go for quality mah! My family & me have been eating XYZ brand riceballs for years! very good! *super summer sunshine smile*" * I have never eaten a single riceball before in my entire life. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Wednesday, December 15, 2004, 7:37:00 PM | permalink |
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The reason for the screamer of a title above is that I've been listening to Howie Day's She Says & his cover of David Gray's Babylon quite alot. I would like to think that this was due to my strong preference for instrumental music. I shudder to imagine the alternative. In any case, I recommend you guys give these tracks a listen. Although Howie's reputation was slightly tarnished after he got into some shit for typical rock star shenenigans awhile back, since I'm only a casual fan, I think I'll just care about the music & not his lifestyle.
Other songs on my frequent listening list now: * Switchfoot's Dare You to Move (Changed my previous opinion of the song after listening to a local band doing a really rockin' cover of the song) * Greenday's American Idiot (only the track, not the album. Haven't got my PC + internet up yet to * U2's Elevation & Vertigo. I must say, Vertigo's fast becoming the favourite song to sing in the shower, or anywhere for that matter, among Singaporean rockers. Every now & then these days I hear sudden shouts of "HELLO, HELLO!" which are almost instantly replied by their friend's "HOLA!"s & "DONDE ESTAS!", be it at Orchard, or in Yishun. (YES, people actually do this) Not that I've anything against such behaviour, I think its cool. >=] There's hope for Singapore after all~ |
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Dare you to move isn't a bad song even taken by itself. I don't see whats so wrong about it.
I've actually taken to going to Tower Records just to stop by the listening stations they have. It's not that bad since not all of them play top 40 crap. In fact, most of it is good. I actually listened to U2's vertigo for the first time on a listening station cause I don't really listen to radio anymore. Good stuff that.
- by comrade 
Jeiel Aranal @ times 2:55 AM, December 18, 2004
[delete? click on the dustbin.]
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Tuesday, December 14, 2004, 4:55:00 PM | permalink |
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A few days back, I came home at 5:30pm from a crazy night out with friends which lasted all the way till the following day. Reached home, saw bed, collapsed & went out like a light. This was the situation in which I had the following dream:
I was in my neighbourhood, standing on the pavement on the side of the road. Blue sky, clouds floating by, green trees, sound of passing cars, birds chirping.. Yup, very normal, nothing unusual. The really surreal part started only when I begun to walk in my dream. I remembered looking down in surprise at my feet, when I realised it took what felt like incredibly huge effort to take even a small step. My natural instinct next was to try & run. Try as I might, even with an Olympic weightlifter's strength, (eh, what lah. It's my dream what. i can be superman if I like) I only managed a slow walk. At this point, I distinctively recalled feeling a chill of panic. I tried lifting my feet higher, quicker steps, whatever it is, that can take me faster on my feet. My point of view abruptly shifts to a third-person perspective, & from this view, I see myself, as darkness encroaches in, attempt indefinitely in vain to do more than walk. The surroundings around "me" start to fade away, colour, substance, entirely. Slowly, the darkness envelopes my "vision" entirely, & only bleak, soot black nothingness was left. Mercifully I wake up at this point, dazed, shuddering a little with residual feelings of fear. I look at the clock. 12am. 5 minutes later, sensations of grogginess not entirely gone yet, I went out for a midnight jog. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Saturday, December 11, 2004, 10:50:00 AM | permalink |
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I've been doing quite abit of reading during December. Was able to reignite my interest in different subjects. Although its been interesting so far, it can be quite a mindjob sometimes. Read on & see what I mean.
Picked up 2 books from NLB about Nietzsche, 1 about Hobbes. Nietzsche gave me such a bloody hard time, & depressed me so much that by the time I staggered through I felt too drained to continue on with Hobbes. Wikipedia makes it all look so easy. I have alot of thoughts about Nietzsche, but among them the most important one of all is that I deeply disagree with his view of Christianity as a "slave morality", or as a false belief. I think he himself was aware that existence in his envisioned world, in the absence of a personal & transcendent God, would probably mean a very bleak life full of despair. Woohoo. Great opportunity for mankind to look forward to. As much as my views are strongly against his, I'm willing to suspend them temporarily, for literary reasons, to appreciate the awe inspired by his "The Parable of the Madman". When I read that on a rainy 9:30 Tuesday night, I have to admit, for all my certainty in my beliefs, I still had goosebumps. The same reasons also persuaded me to read "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. (thanks Mel) A main theme in the book, the idea that gods forgotten by mortal men can also die, is at first both unbelievable & frightening. Interesting application of Berkeley's "esse est percipi" though. American Gods also had a great storyline. As a philosophy-novel, I absolutely enjoyed it. After all that hardcore stuff, I really needed something more down-to-earth. So I took a break from philosophy & read Roald Dahl's "Going Solo" (great stuff, very entertaining + insightful) - and right after that went & started on the 2 INDISOC textbooks that I got from Mel. INDISOC stands for INDIvidual in SOCiety, a module in Mass Comm which deals with theories in psychology. Beep, beep. Warning. Caution. Potential insanity up ahead. I have to admit, as much as all of this reading & understanding is hard work, I am thoroughly enjoying it. |
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the swarms of flying pigs appeared from nowhere & blacked out the skies. |
| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ 8:45:00 AM | permalink |
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I am And if you will excuse me, I'll now try to make a run to escape the barrage of overwhelming attention that will surely follow. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Thursday, December 02, 2004, 1:50:00 AM | permalink |
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Instructions: Induce self into a manic trance-like state by chanting the following repeatedly. Preferably accompanied by background music. Suggestions: Motivational (Des'ree - You Gotta Be) , Adrenaline-pumpin' (Foo Fighters - My Hero) Continue to do so until desired effect is achieved.
Work hard, train hard, play harder. Need money, need a job. Get PC working again. Get broadband access back at home again. All these done before Jan 2005. Now go go go! |
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Wut up Thomas! It's been so long..I see that you're the same ole T^4..Dude..I was just sitting around thinking about the good ole days in 4 Humility...and i realised that I don't have any pictures!...no pictures of adventure camp or anything..my next thought was.."Man! I'm sure Thomas has a ton" so here I am on your blog...asking for pictures...lol...my email address is ruthchasez@yahoo.com.sg ..would be really thankful if u could send me some pictures....by the way this is Ruth Nair...(the one in the US) hopefully u remember me..after all we were in the same class for 4 years..lol..ttyl dude..keep in touch
- by comrade The DeStRuCtiCatoR @ times 4:05 AM, December 08, 2004
[delete? click on the dustbin.]
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Wednesday, December 01, 2004, 7:47:00 AM | permalink |
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"Warning. One of your hard disks are in danger of imminent failure. Please back up your files as soon as possible." Whoa. WTF.
Managed to get logged in. The desktop splutters onto the screen. Brief flickers a nervous reminder of the unstable situation of things. Make haste to open directories & copy important files. Looking.. got it. Come'on, copy, copy dammit.. copy- ugh. Power shortage. Reboot. Back in. Move move move, go go go.. OK, got it. Quick copy onto the backup drive- Damn. Reach for the power button to restart the mofo. Now the entire PC refuses to start up at all. The next 2 hours.. You get the idea. After my little armageddon, I spent most of the last 6 hours having a whale of a time at Kheng's place with lots of gaming, food, etc etc, without my disabled computer. The high from all that excitement could help explain why I could even smile a little while conjuring up a thought - Debris of bytes & data falling from collapsing virtual structures onto deteriorating digital streets, add a hail of glitches & errors in the backdrop. Still can't say that watching your self-built computer system crumbling into entropy right before your eyes was good for the ego. Eventually managed to back up all essentials of my computer/online identity onto a backup drive provided by Kheng though. PC condition deep red, but data secured & had loads of fun. This must be the best worst-case computer disaster scenario that I've ever experienced. |
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recent entries (in order) |
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<--latest post-- trip to kl (20-22 july 2007)--one of these days--death and purpose--eulogy for a Sun--protest: a story--sparring--twenty-one--time to kickstart that dead engine--simple pleasures--nerd rock inadequacy-- --last post--> |
