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| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Thursday, January 25, 2007, 11:43:00 PM | permalink |
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Twenty-one, a romantic evening. A private moment spent reclined, shared with a bright full moon. The mosquitoes serenade me with whispers in my ears, my mind a dizzy whirl from a forty degrees fever. Twenty-one, the last throes of a long drawn out break-up misery. Undue self imposed flagellation, a sick circle carousel I could not escape. Morning brought soothing relief, Purity brought a resoluting cure. Twenty-one, echoes of burden and duty. Drawn out plans stretched out into the next few decades, described by acquiantances with much detail. Its like a public presentation, we take turns. When it comes to me however, I'm startled to find myself with only rough sketches and vague verbal scribbles. Twenty-one, my hands raised above the crowd. There's cheering & yelling, other hands are raised too, gestures ranging from I-love-yous to fuck-yous to the horns. I yell too, no words, just yelling, my voice is lost amidst the crowd of 7000 with all eyes glued on Matt Bellamy conjuring supermassive black holes with his mike & guitar. I take comfort in the anonymity, my inaudible protest telling everyone and no one that I still want to live my dreams, to be free, to be a little rock star in my everyday life. Twenty-one, my hands raised above the crowd. This time at church, together with a pious congregation. My fingers grasped at the air with a deep need. I am subdued, all my soul revealed. De profundis clamo ad te domine. Psalms 130:1. Twenty-one, tired conversations with a childhood friend. When once the topics revolved around computer games, its now about careers and cashflows. We return to the bouldering wall, attacking the grips and holds with fury. Where did the years go? What happened to the past days of carefree lives? We ended the rock climbing session early, both of us got to go to work early the next day. Twenty-one, leaning against the parapet at 4am, insomniac eyes staring out at the darkness, the world all asleep far below. I am a king self-declared, trapped in my own domain, a castle of steel fences, concertina wires & army security. I am a civilian, I am a conscript, I am in limbo. I feel as if this night would end, only to be replaced by endless more similar nights. Tempted, I want to shout something to disrupt the stillness - a noise, a phrase, some swear words. But I don't, not for fear of causing a commotion, but due to a nagging suspicion that at this twilight hour, nothing would be heard. Twenty-one, lunch time conversations with my mentor. "Give me some reasons why I should continue this job." He also happens to be my colleague at the moment. "Err? Umm well, I feel that it has its rewarding moments." I still address him with a "Mr." before his name these days. "Yes, true. But-" He takes a moment to sip on his cup of ice cold Red Bull. His eyes are bloodshot and surrounded by dark rings. "It gets very tiring at times lah." I merely nod, the sound of the packed afternoon school canteen in my ears rising like a crescendo, an acapella gone insane. Twenty-one, standing at the edge of the highest of cliffs, a metaphor in my head. I look down, at the yawning drop far far below, the rushing roaring waves of a vast sea awaiting me at the end. Turn behind, I'm stranded, a petit prince surrounded upon this high island. The ground beneath my feet crumble and fall away, pushing me into an ever smaller area. Finality chortles hungrily, I smell the salty sea mist. I disagree with the inevitablity! Time to take matters into my own hands. I leap off the edge in my mind... Gravity does not take over... |
PS: If you're commenting Anonymously please sign off with your name/nick. Thanks.
Hey T, for fear of coming across as sentimental, I think I should just say that this post was strangely touching. Nice to know you are still the same TTTT I knew back in our OI rush days, and also, somewhat bittersweet to realize you are not.
It's been a awhile, so just wanted to drop in and see how you were doing.
- Esther
- by comrade 
@ times 2:18 AM, April 13, 2007
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<--latest post-- time to kickstart that dead engine--simple pleasures--nerd rock inadequacy--after rain--two wheeler midnight pedals--yea yea i was caught--short story: alternative reality--helter skelter--backdated: GSE @ suntec--i see the light-- --last post--> |
