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| by comrade commissar | May-Lynn | @ Wednesday, June 30, 2004, 6:36:00 PM | permalink |
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Five things about a seedy, illegal hole-in-the-wall Patpong sex bar:
1) It was a roomful of Singaporeans. Young couples, middle-aged uncles and aunties, every type of Singaporean except those below 18. At 19 and 3/4s, I was probably the youngest person there. As expected, all the Singaporeans pretended not to see each other, except one auntie who continually berated her silent husband in loud tones for bringing her there. 2) There were several 40-something white men who were all walking variations on the theme of Ugly - bald, fat, bald and fat, dressed in loud Haiwaiian shirts, sporting unsightly facial hair and with a diseased Patpong hostess sprawled in their laps or sitting next to them, rubbing their flabby white arms in an almost maternal manner. 3) Plus, bored, young white backpacker couples, dressed casually, nursing dubious beers and clearly only there so they could go home and boast that they've "done" the Bangkok experience. Two pairs left the place after only five minutes or so. Pity. They missed the bit where the lady with two bellybuttons yanked a string of razor-blades out of her pussy. (Holy fucking shit, I have yet to clear that out from my inner eye.) 4) I was there with a Singaporean freelance photographer and his girlfriend (made their acquaintance back at the hotel). The normally-brash photographer confessed afterwards to feeling extremely nervous and uncomfortable during the live sex act (every sexual position you can think of except those which require pulleys or extra instruments). His sweet, shy, petite girlfriend just smiled, and remained silent. 5) One of the woman performers sucked water out of a bottle with her pussy, jiggled around a bit like Pooh Bear enjoying his honey and pushed it all out into another bottle, but the water had turned to Coke inside her! My guess is food colouring tablets hidden up her hole. Still, it made me think twice about the Coke I was drinking. Conclusion: Sex bars are, honestly, not that exciting, mainly because it is more likely that you will be traumatised by the performer's shrivelled up over-50 faces than by their stunts, and because performances of a sexual nature are just not that exciting unless the performers actually look like they're into it. Everyone there - audience included - looked like they were enjoying a night out at the dentist's. And I fell asleep halfway. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Tuesday, June 29, 2004, 11:12:00 PM | permalink |
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Yes, there was a blackout a while back. IT WAS GREAT!
The entire estate was mostly pitch black, except for flashlights everywhere and odd houses lit up by candlelight. People were actually up and about outside their homes instead of being cooped up in their houses, because there was nothing on TV to watch. Oh yah, because of the blackout. Over in the lesser provinces, my girlfriend & her brother were doing their best to do horror film reenactments to try to scare the shit out of their poor civil neighbours' asses. M: my mom's telling everyone how i yelled "and God said LET THERE BE LIGHT!" and half a minute later the entire neighbourhood lit up Me: . Me: hahahaha S0NGB0H! M: yeah, i got quite a shock when it actually did happen I can't say I didn't enjoy her experiencing that shock. It entertained her mom too what.. Amusement for all! As quickly as the blackout came, the lights soon got restored. Damn. Was planning to herald the second coming of the Dark Ages and attempt to cast a two-handed sword from the kitchen knives over my LPG gas stove. So much for going out in tribes to hunt for meat. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Saturday, June 26, 2004, 9:24:00 AM | permalink |
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It was 37.4º on Friday morning, then later an astonishing 39.1º on Friday night. THis Saturday morning, my temperature stands at 38.6º. I only wrote about this now because I at least feel much better than before.
I blame the rich food I was ravenously helping myself to at the church members gathering I attended on Thursday. Deluxe helpings of Pizza Hut & soft drinks must do as much harm to the body as cigarettes. On Friday morning, my fried brain seriously was screwing up with my reality. For afew hours it was like a dream upon waking. I abruptly woke up from nightmares to want to go back to sleep to another range of nightmares. This continued for several hours. I had a lesser degree of this experience again this morning. Oh, did I mention the whole feel-cold-but-very-hot thing about fever? It's f'ed up. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Tuesday, June 22, 2004, 12:43:00 AM | permalink |
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Oh May.. Put your arms around me!
What you feel is what you are and what you are is beautiful! - Goo Goo Dolls, Slide (definitely a classic :) ) |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Sunday, June 20, 2004, 12:39:00 PM | permalink |
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Kel is now in his early 30s & he used to be the "shepherd", or leader, of the Christian youth church cell group which I used to attend afew years back. On first appearances, Kel may appear to be cheerful, jocular, wacky even. But Kel being Kel, he was always dead serious when it came down to important issues. And of course, him being my ex-shepherd, these were mostly spiritual. The best way to illustrate his serious side is through this poignant tale recounted by another church member, Vince. A couple of years back, Kel, Vince & afew other church members spent afew days living together in a house to fast, pray & reflect. In addition to not having any food at all, this also meant that for those few days, its was 24 hours of seeing each others' faces. And in situations like these people tend to reveal a little more of their true character. Vince was walking about aimlessly on one of those nights. Most of the other people were either sleeping, doing their quiet time (reading the Bible/praying), or plain relaxing. When Vince went past Kel's sleeping room however, he noticed Kel sitting motionlessly. Kel's glasses were on the table, his eyes were bloodshot and tears were constantly welling up in them. Those eyes stared at a piece of scrap paper on the table. On it was name after name after name... at least a dozen over names were neatly listed, some were blotted by teardrops. Vince: "... Hey. Are you OK? What's the list of names for?"Vince called this the "Shepherd & his Lost Sheep" story. I'm not sure whether it was meant to be funny or not, I don't think its funny; but I agree with the title. After church finished today, I was approached by Kel. After the "HEY!!!"s & "whazzzup!!!"s Kel & me had a hearty chat to catch up on how each other's been doing. On the outside, he does appear carefree. |
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...| by comrade commissar | May-Lynn | @ Saturday, June 19, 2004, 1:07:00 AM | permalink |
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(Hello. I am temporarily hijacking my boyfriend's blog because mine is down at present.)
I was surfing Friendster when I came across a particularly disturbing account called Feminist Rulz. Grammatical errors aside, the page was a mini-showcase of what passes for feminism amongst teenage girls and young women these days. It was horrifying. I don't claim to be an expert on the history and theory of feminism, but it has become clear how far we have drifted from the dreams of the first and second generations of feminists. Firstly: the account lists its favourite TV shows and movies - and hence presumably, the favourite TV shows and movies of fellow feminists the world over - as Charmed, Alias, Charlie's Angels 1&2, Tomb Raider, Legally Blonde, Pretty Woman, Mona Lisa Smile, Down With Love. In every single production listed, the stars/presumed feminist role models are Caucasian, slim, young and physically attractive. Often, they also demonstrate superpowers (Charmed) or skills (Tomb Raider, Charlie's Angels) that frankly, are not seen in the average female - or male, for that matter. Where are your average women? Where are your mothers, your grandmothers, your aunts and cousins? Where is your own reflection in this Hollywood portrait? If we take these productions and their stars to be representations of an ideal feminist world, then almost every one of us would not belong in there. Even as aspirations, they are plastic, foreign and incredibly unrealistic. On the subject of foreign material, the account was set up by a pair of girls in Manila, Philippines. You would think we Asians would have found our own feminist role models by now. We have so many good, strong women who embody true feminist principles; for example - if we must have actresses - Maggie Cheung. Admire her for her physical beauty and grace if you must, but know her also for her achievements in the world of art house films, her awards and her self-empowerment and dignity for refusing to star in an abundance of cheap, Hongkong fluff comedies. (The ones she slammed her frequent co-star Tony Leung for.) Even more troubling: the account is dedicated to "all women and groups who can live up to being a feminist!". It implies that feminism is an elevated state, to which we must rise, or be considered unworthy. You know, the patriarachs of past generations used to do this as well - place valuations on women that demeaned and objectified them ("You my number one concubine, bitch! But you, you no suck cock good! You demoted to number ten!"). Why do we do it to ourselves? And who determines the definition of a feminist, anyway? I'll be damned if I let some 16-year-old Hollywood groupie do it for me. All revolutionary movements, social or political, drew their power from a collective of believers. We are this collective, like it or not, in the feminist movement. We need to define ourselves and our roles as women, collectively and intelligently. Contribute your part to the gender revolution, but do it in an informed manner, by looking to the past and learning what your forebears learned. It would be an immense waste if all the rights that we enjoy today expressed themselves solely in empty catchphrases ("Gurl Power!") and weak symbolism, via dubious media channels such as ads and PR campaigns. We may have been too young to witness it, but women fought for these rights, once upon a time. And won. Did they disrupt their lives and safety for mass-marketed Avril Lavignes and for us to judge each other based on our sexual appeal and shallow self-projections? Oh, and the last bit of the account's self-description? "STRICTLY NO GUYS ALLOWED! GUYS STAY OUT OF THIS... YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND... THIS IS OUR THING!" That's ridiculous. How will the third generation of the feminist movement ever gain momentum and truly make changes if we fail to interact with and explain things to the other half of the human race? What are we gonna do, hole ourselves up in caves or bunkers and start female-only communes? You and I wouldn't like that. Your fathers, brothers, male relatives and friends can be feminists too - but it's your job to explain and show them how much better the world can be if we progress together, hand-in-hand. As for not understanding, that's a fallacy. All valid political movements are based on logic. If men don't understand logic, I'm surprised we managed to progress beyond the race of Cro-Magnons. Feminist values are universal. So is our struggle. |
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Sun, Sand, Scrutiny About Cultural Differences & the Emptiness of Appearances |
| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Wednesday, June 16, 2004, 10:27:00 PM | permalink |
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We were at the bus interchange when her attention became drawn to something
M: Hey, look at that girl. Nice top. Me: ... M: It's a trend in Singapore nowadays. The beach look. The surfer culture. Me: ... M: Stop staring at the girl. Me: Sorry. ;P M: I mean. When I was in Australia, most of the people who really lived along the beaches didn't wear Quiksilver, Ripcurl, Roxy or any of these brands. Their clothes didn't look like it costed more than SGD $20. Some of the guys were even topless. The people just generally looked attractive because they were healthy and also from their tan. Me: Its not really true authenticity Singaporeans are going for lah.. Its just to fulfil what they think surfer culture is like. WAIT. Why don't you wear something beach-themed? You would look good. M: I can't. In Singapore, it seems like they think that women who wear beach wear must be bone-thin. I mean, I saw girls in Australia who were anything but attractive, but they aren't afraid to wear bikinis. Me: But on the other hand, you girls have it good. You all have a dozen ways to improve your appearances. M: What do you mean? Me: Well, let's say we use an average looking girl as an example. When I mean average, I mean scoring exactly 5.000/10 on the chart. This girl, through a combination of makeup, hairstyle, attire and accessories can at least up her "rating" by 2-3 points. Guys, being the fashion simpletons that we are, only have our guy haircuts, shirts and shorts/trousers, slippers/sandals/shoes combo. M: I guess. Me: That why I personally feel that for a guy, his most important fashion accessory is his body. I like how we can abruptly turn everyday topics into some sort of intellectual discourse. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ 9:25:00 PM | permalink |
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Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Jerry Maguire: I love you. You... complete me. Thomas [ mouth stuffed full with box of popcorn in hand ]: WTF??? |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Sunday, June 13, 2004, 5:17:00 PM | permalink |
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Maybe subconsciously I do hate myself.
That would explain why I drag myself through crappy experiences, kicking and screaming, in the hopes that in the end, I will thank me. Why I do backbreaking, tiresome exercise. ("because it builds character?") So how, Jack/Tyler? What say you and me go out for a little anarchic stroll in the urban jungle? It would then explain why I seek out opinions differing from my own, even though I would vehemently argue against them. Especially when it turns out that they are right. Maybe its because I know that I am not always correct, (yes, that "I say 'can' means 'can' mantra I always chant does not always work) that people unlike myself in character or personality can offer views that supplement my own limited ones. A little antagonism in life never hurt anyone right? |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Friday, June 11, 2004, 6:38:00 AM | permalink |
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I have an mp3 list, that has songs which have a personal history with me that stretch back all the way to when I started to listen to alternative music.
Back then, new tunes weren't These songs thus act as a sort of time capsule of that moment in time when I first heard it. Who I was, my thoughts & experiences then, were somewhat refreshed in my head everytime I hear those songs. This was exactly what happened when my Winamp played New Found Glory's "Hit Or Miss". All these memories.. I quickly wrote down what I could: sec 3. late night remedial lessons for Principles of Accounts. about girls. alternative punk being new fuel over mainstream pop. crushes and infatuations. about peer pressure. acting cool. thinking about trying hard, when always not trying enough. I looked at what I scribbled. Wow. Then, I went to check up the lyrics - [Chorus] Have I waited too long Have I found that someone Have I waited too long To see you ... [Bridge] How many times I've tried It's simple to you, so simple to lie How many times I've tried Blatant mistakes of your design (repeat) Sheesh. How could I not fall for that, impulsive angsty boy of 15 years old. BAH. Life goes on I guess. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Wednesday, June 09, 2004, 12:17:00 PM | permalink |
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Disillusioned
In secondary school, I did literature for my O' Levels. In sec 3 and 4, I had a Ms. T as my lit teacher. Literature, being my most keen subject, generally was given a boost in my priorities by her combination of firebrand-preacher enthusiasm and madcap styled education. The subject, as well as the job of being a inspirational pedagogue, begun to appeal to me as a career option. So imagine my reaction when I went back as an ex-student to tell her about my future dreams in adult society, and she said this: "Well, actually, I plan to quit as soon as possible. Actually, I want to be a waitress." My girlfriend had the opportunity to be involved in a publication recently, which among other things, allowed her to discuss about issues related to feminism. Knowing that Ms. T did this topic during her uni days, (and assuming that she would have a similar level of zeal for the subject) she brought it up during her conversations with Ms. T. Ms. T just laughed a little and gave a knowing smile. As growing individuals, we all have our fair share of idols and role models. I just wish there was some sort of alert or indicator when some of these role models have the punk dysfunctional edge of Titus' dad. Burn Out In History remedial class today, a short unofficial break among us became a raving rant session when the topic of the quality of Literature lessons this year (2004, yes, I do Lit also for my A' levels) was raised. There were different levels of agitation among my classmates, from the bitter grumbling to the barely-controllable rage. From a strange third-person perspective I observed the proceedings and watched as one of them, Rathiy become louder and louder and more emotional. It was not that I disagree. Certain lit classes this year leave much to be desired. It was not that I didn't feel pissed either. "When we know what (good things) the Year 1s and 2s are having for lit, it makes us so pissed." Amen Rathiy, Amen. I guess I just couldn't bring myself to pour out my burning anger, because I didn't have any. For some, giant outbursts are cathartic enough. I guess my version is a form of long term therapy instead - Deliberate "artistic" misinterpretations during drama act out sessions, agreeing with my classmate's views even when the pragmatic lit teacher rules them out without much consideration, reading and making my own notes instead. My own volcano eruptions will come for some other situation or occasion I guess. Communication A: "Thomas, I think you like things which confuse you. That's why you are also confusing." B: *insert snickering sounds* "Birds of a feather come together what." ME: Screw you. I have always known that I did not have the same thoughts, ideas or mindset like most people. Dimly aware at young, to acutely so at present, it seems very much so that I might very well be living the brain-in-a-vat nightmare. Beyond Cogito Ergo Sum, who else is out there? How come among my peers, I can hardly find anyone else who can engage me in meaningful thought-provoking communication? com.mu.ni.ca.tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (k-myn-kshn) n. The act of communicating; transmission. 1. The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. 2. Interpersonal rapport. Generally, I meet 3 kinds of people: 1. One Way Traffic - They don't understand WTH I'm talking about when I start talking about deeper stuff, struggling along with a mix of wonder and bewilderment. 2. Limited Bandwidth - They understand the ideas being discussed, but don't know enough about it to contribute much to the dialogue. 3. Two Way Traffic - Constructive material constantly being brought onto the discussion table. Control over the thesis/antithesis on a subject can easily be achieved by either sides through skillful persuasion. Think about it as being like competitive debates, but without the aggressive attitudes. Come on. Enrich me. Amuse me. Reaffirm my mental existence. Thank you. Weighed Down I do crazy things. Midnight cycling, a past attempt to do some sketches on my school rooftop, crazy firestarter pyro-antics, bouldering, you name it. But these activities for all their wild appearances, keep me within my safety bubble. and I noticed that 1 thing that I am really uncomfortable about is with the screwing of my 5 senses. I cannot let go. I have a serious dependency problem of myself. To a large extent, that's why I suck at doing gymnastics, handstands, somasaults, assigning tasks in group project situations, have dictatorial tendencies in making decisions. To a small extent, that's why I can't swim very well as yet. The need to discover myself and to let go has become so much clearer in recent years. The first opportunity I had was when i accidentally slipped while bouldering. *blink* For a split second I am suspended in mid-air. Awkward, I grasp out in vain. At that moment, fear grips me tightly. Fear is not being in control. Fear is being helpless. Fear is being insignificant, falling like a stone towards an envisioned impending doom. I cry out aloud in my head the only name that matters at that point. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) "... because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5) "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13) I hit the crash mat and land safely. Maybe its what I thought about during these climbing sessions. But I always leave for home physically and spiritually refreshed. |
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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is turning me into a foaming-at-mouth fanboy again. |
| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Saturday, June 05, 2004, 3:21:00 AM | permalink |
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Why "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" rules:
(I will list more reasons when I think of them.) * Because it made me think really hard. * Because it was, from a literary perspective, a very heavy piece of work. What, quotations from Nietszche, Alexander Pope, use of motifs & symbols, subtle hints put everywhere with reference to the movie... (lacuna, Joel Barish, with Barish suggesting "banish" or perish", even Huckleberry Hound's tune "Oh My Darling Clementine suggested that part of her identity was to be "gone and lost forever") Hardcore! * Because the film, from its story, to the acting, to the filming, special effects & soundtrack is brilliant. * Because the soundtrack (especially the scores by Jon Brion) added such depth to the feel of the movie. * Because it sure beats most Hollywood flicks. * Because it did not let its science fiction basis become the main emphasis of the movie, allowing the plot to remain believable * Because the stars of the movie (Jim Carrey & Kate Winslet) were very convincing even though their roles were "out of character" for them. Watch the movie, you'll see what I mean. * Because Jim Carrey surprisingly can act. * Because for a surreal piece of cinematic fiction, it sure did affect me very mentally & emotionally in real life. * Because watching Elijah "Frodo" Wood with a crew-cut & being annoying is fun. >:] Go watch it. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Friday, June 04, 2004, 7:44:00 PM | permalink |
(this link is for all those who have been asking - "wtfh IS 'le-parkour'???")More than fine, more than bent on getting by.1. Quarter-Age Life Crisis - I'm 19 this year, soon to be 20 in 12 months. 2 decades came and past in the blink of an eye. If I maintain my training.. I can probably be fit all the way up to 40. But my potential is in my youth. My youth is now. You only live your life ONCE. 2. Our Life is Defined by the Things We Think We Cannot Do - You have choices. A or B. BUT- You cannot run, jump, push as hard as you potentially can. You cannot do it. You are all you can't be. YOU.CANNOT.FLY. Who told you that? Your parents? Friends? Teachers? Slowly, it becomes only you your very own self that is holding you back. Choice is always there, but becomes accessible only to those who are empowered. Its time to change our mindset. In this life, we are all given potential and purpose. 3. "Aim for the stars. Even if you fall, your penis will grown 4 inches.. or something like that" - Even if we don't become like them Parkours, we will at least gain ultra-fit bodies right? 4. A Long Path is Easier to Walk with Companions - Its not easy to pursue these big dreams on my own. Encouragement and Support from one another can help make that final difference. Aims of the Training: Physical - 1.Fitness 2.Speed 3. Stamina 4. Agility Mental - 1.Alertness/Reflexes All we need now is the faith and determination to do it. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our Great War is a spiritual war. Our Depression is our lives. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Wednesday, June 02, 2004, 10:05:00 PM | permalink |
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I think its a wonderful testament to my work efficiency when I look back.. Session Start: Sun Feb 29 23:23:03 2004 Session Ident: daiquiri |23:23| <PerP-AWOL> HEllO! |23:33| <daiquiri> hullo |23:33| <daiquiri> aren't you working on the blog? how's it going? |23:33| <PerP-AWOL> its ok lah Wow. It's now like what- JUNE? "Award for Outstanding Procrastination" for me. Now that my blog is finally up, at least I got a place to vent and rant my thoughts, rather than holding people's visual attention hostage on Friendster. >:] This has been blog entry number 1. |
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recent entries (in order) |
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<--latest post-- trip to kl (20-22 july 2007)--one of these days--death and purpose--eulogy for a Sun--protest: a story--sparring--twenty-one--time to kickstart that dead engine--simple pleasures--nerd rock inadequacy-- --last post--> |
