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<--latest post-- "ordinary 21"--19 just held such better days--the entry i usually don't have time left to write--imagine hard enough & its sort of like a party--ecstatic pre-national day 2005--my 2005 festival of praise experience bah.--thomas & the hounds of meggido--before i fly off to camp--a most exquisite weekend--mandopop & all-girl rock-- --last post--> |
| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Saturday, August 27, 2005, 2:18:00 AM | permalink |
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How many days have I been asleep while I'm awake? How many times have I caught myself not being involved with everything around me? How many times have I been gazing and daydreaming in some direction about completely nothing? How often have I stopped to feel that creepy fear that I'm losing bits and pieces of myself? How often have I confronted the worry that I'm changing in not exactly a good way, irreversibly? Its like I'm losing myself to myself. Watch me type this words in my room. I'm technically free for a few hours in the colourful civilian outside, but right now what I'm feeling is gallows grey. Every additional day is one down for the count - I wait in anticipation for the coming December. But now I wonder how much of me will be intact on that day, upon touchdown and arrival. Watch me try and go on to make another paragraph. Watch me run out of words and ideas to adequately describe what exactly I feel now. I'm damn tired now, I'm going off to sleep. |
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recent entries (in order) |
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<--latest post-- "ordinary 21"--19 just held such better days--the entry i usually don't have time left to write--imagine hard enough & its sort of like a party--ecstatic pre-national day 2005--my 2005 festival of praise experience bah.--thomas & the hounds of meggido--before i fly off to camp--a most exquisite weekend--mandopop & all-girl rock-- --last post--> |
