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| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Monday, January 09, 2006, 2:07:00 AM | permalink |
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Last night we talked. I mean like really speak up what's on our heads. It had to happen one of these days. Hey, really sorry lah. I know it opens up a lot of old scars but I can't go on like this with all this uncertainty and grey areas hanging about in mid-air. I want to know. Tell me. I really appreciate that you didn't avoid the confrontation this time. I know for sure I stuttered and badly phrased whatever I meant to say many times during the heated exchange.. I'm praying you got the correct meaning of what I really meant in these instances. Sometimes words just fail me you know? The last few weeks and now I know what I really needed. I needed to let it all out, to cry and to shout. I needed to stop doing stupid things like drinking lots or partying everyday like as if that helps. I needed to say what I really felt and not hide it behind some very faint metaphor or analogy. I needed to stop implying hints and just be direct, and hear the answer, regardless of what I fear will be the replies. I needed to not hold on to false hopes anymore, to face situations of no redemptation salvation or happy endings. You know, rock bottom with a smile. Not every problem ends up with me being saved and going to heaven. Life on this earth just has too many living reality hells. People do end up not escaping the Titanic. Apologies don't help anything I know, I wish there was an easier way to let me heal. Tonight is the first good night for many months now, I'm gonna go sleep restfully now! WOO! ;) |
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recent entries (in order) |
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<--latest post-- sat at SPCA--sleepless--fomulé snow white--its just one of those days.--a rush of a new yr's day--in lieu of a real entry we present--chastity guardian angel--the night we appropriated the roads--longing--definitely not right-- --last post--> |
