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| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Wednesday, January 11, 2006, 8:11:00 PM | permalink |
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Yesterday night we started a 16km route march that lasted all through the wee hours till dawn. After a slow trek to the final point up a steep hill, we were treated to a breathtaking view of the Jurong/Tuas industrial estate laid out before us, a beautiful twinkling array of starry night lights stretched across as far as the eye can see like an artificial galaxy. I took a deep breath, enjoyed the scenery and the dry breeze relieving my sweaty discomfort, sat and relaxed myself. Then I abruptly found myself pushed and wrestled to the ground. "OEI! WHA-" A solid uppercut to the jaw cut my protest short. In darkness and disorientation, a cauldron of fear and anxiety bubbled up inside as my head hit the ground hard. Reeling from the pain I only had my anger with me as I lunged up hitting out blind at my unknown assailant. One of my fists connected with the person by chance and he fell back with a thud. Mad with adrenaline and the taste of blood I rushed for the opportunity, ruthlessly pinning him down with an angled knee, a left hand gripped tight on his neck and a right hand clenched vice-tight and raining blow after blow after blow. And its as if I was fighting against God. With every punch, every brutal elbow, I felt more fatigued and heavy. I hollered out like a savage when my opponent grinned from out of the darkness. My fist felt like everytime it hit flesh and bone its force was neutralised like I was hitting a sandbag. Me, wearing myself out by attrition, hammering this guy in vain. "What are you doing?" Someone said. And I paused. "This.. This IDIOT! Launched at me from nowhere for I DON'T KNOW WHAT-" ... "Who?" I stared out into the abyss, then bent to look down at the person motionless beneath me. I had a chokehold on an uncannily realistic mannequin of me. "You look stupid my boy. I've been here all this while watching you tumble about in the dirt. All you had to do was to let go. Talk to Me about it. Get up, leave your burdens behind. Walk away." I realised then that I knew I could. "But I didn't want to." All that negativity and I held on to it and couldn't let go. Misery and melancholy was like a barbiturate, strangely addictive and numbing the senses. By and by I lost my grounding, and by and by I was going to kill myself, farewell now good luck and bye bye. I couldn't let go until I knew. The only key to unlock my confinement and provide my intercession. I had to know. "Now you do, you know for sure. Some things you have to accept as being the past and history. Its time to move on." A blinding peek of light appears as some kind of door is opened. I got up and walked towards it. "You ok buddy?" "Yeah." "Let's go." I woke up awashed in sweat and freezing from the chilling morning cold. My army buddy looked at me with concern. All around people were already forming up and moving off in files. "Eh you ok? Sun's risen, its daylight already. Come on, transports are here let's go." |
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recent entries (in order) |
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<--latest post-- i had to do it.--conflict and resolution--sat at SPCA--sleepless--fomulé snow white--its just one of those days.--a rush of a new yr's day--in lieu of a real entry we present--chastity guardian angel--the night we appropriated the roads-- --last post--> |
