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| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Monday, November 29, 2004, 10:07:00 PM | permalink |
Me: hey.. now blogging abt us being together againSo, long story short, yea, we're now together again. (No, she's not pregnant) Although November's been really hard on both of us, in the end we realised we preferred to have each other around. We have outstanding issues/differences left to iron out though.. but isn't that part & parcel of all relationships? I apologise to anyone confused by what happened. I apologise in advance to everyone for having to endure the sappy-crappy-lovesick-shit that I will write in the future. Better writing comes from great suffering I guess. On a separate note altogether, found this link from BNL's blog. And this one myself. I think they adequately expresses some of my own thoughts regarding the recent tragedy that happened in the US, which I just neither found the time, nor the appropriate level of rage, to sit down & write them down. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Monday, November 22, 2004, 1:08:00 PM | permalink |
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"Only if we have irreconcilable differences. Or if one cheats on the other." I really never thought it would be because of the 1st clause. Not that the 2nd was any likely either. She said we have different personalities & aims. She has a different future destination, thousands of miles away geographically, duration of stay: hope-crushingly indefinite. Before this she said, "I think I'll tell you after you finish your exams." I thought it was about my crummy behaviour the whole month, problems that could be ironed out. It was my fault, I was a dick. "Don't worry, my study mode won't be affected." I say. She tells me. I was wrong, you were right. And I was devastated. I walk home dazed. What normally takes 15mins feels like 5. Longest 5mins ever. I thought I trekked past wrong neighbourhoods. I reached home, I call her. Yes, its over. Strangely, we then laughed & joked & settled some stuff. Still friends? Cool. Keep in touch online? Sure. She said she always thought this sort of conversations would be bitter, violent, or both. I thought the same too. I thought I was insanely calm & jovial at the time. I now realise I was going the breakup phase of initial denial. Mirth overwhelms me. I make one of those self-depreciating jokes, that I noticed the beginnings & ends of our tryst were really funny. I say that if I were to hypothetically write scripts for comedy shows, I would write a Titus-like episode. And the blackest of black comedy laughs would be at my imaginary character's expense. Then she tells me in an almost euphoric state how she really likes the Drew Carey Show. I say really I didn't know that. She then tells me about 2 of the characters - Kate & Oswald. I think I heard wrongly so I laughed & said "Katie (Mary-Kate) & Olsen?" She giggles a little says yah I say ok then what happened. She then goes on about how Kate & Oswald got together as a couple, how at first everything was dandy, & as time went on things happen & doubts & she's not sure anymore & he's not aware but happily makes plans for future & in typical dramatic-TV-show-style she breaks the bad news to him right at the blinking altar. She pauses, seemingly waiting for the expected laugh track coming from my end. I don't, breaking down into the phone, into the chair, into my shirt, until I don't even realise the slobbering sad piece of shit I'm turning into, until I don't even realise I was still holding the phone & going to get my ass kicked by my parents if I spoilt the mouthpiece by getting it wet. I am a fucking sitcom character. I am bloody fortune's fool. Eventually I calmed down. I don't remember what else was said after that. Was in a complete daze. Think I said bye, slept a hard dive into oblivion. I wake up the next day uncertain, unsure whether I'm now in dream or reality. Apprehensive, I waited 2 hours & then called her. Maybe its all a crappy nightmare, maybe I was delirious on something, oxygen maybe. She reminds me again. I became more calm in the days afterwards than I expected I would be. Like it was detailed beforehand as a planned routine. "Programme for the day: Bad news, break up, breakdown, refreshed." Sometimes I think "calm" is another word for "numb". Every single word, a stabbing poniard. Stupid ironic prophecy. I still can't believe at times that its over. Once in awhile I still dial her number instinctively. Too late, call patched through. I say sorry, for what I don't know at times, or maybe for my sad excuse of an attempt to try to cling on to vestiges of a better past. That doesn't mean that I didn't try those first few times. Eventually, I would cope, & move on. It's painful, but nothing was regretful. The 'us' in the past had great times, from friends to more than friend. Going back to being friends is a second best. You remain wonderful. |
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So are you. Wonderful, that is.
I miss you like hell, but I'm still convinced this is the right thing to do. Praying for your history paper later today - good luck.
- by comrade 
May-Lynn @ times 2:24 AM, November 23, 2004
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I'm sorry to see the two of you have broken up. Never really knew much about what went on between the both of you but the way Tom described it seemed wonderful. I guess all I can say is to cherish the memories of both of you, and that there will be others to come along, and that to be glad it didn't end in a worse way. And that's all I can say.
- by comrade Jeiel Aranal @ times 2:35 AM, November 23, 2004
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Hey papa..just read ur blog. breaking up is hard but i guess its all part of life's experiences.letting go is hard i noe..been there before..aniwaes, just wanna say dat if EVER u need to just talk it out..u never noe,i cld understand,so just drop me a line - 90068714. we cld chill and talk at de cafe again if u want. remember tom,we're not just classmates...we're friends.and friends are there for each other.The ELKS got ur back dude, as a grp and as individuals. U know who to call. -Kin
- by comrade N @ times 1:30 AM, November 24, 2004
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thanks guys, for all the thought & concern.
i think i'll have a very hard time explaining some changes that have occured between the situation at the time of the blog entry & the CURRENT one now.
but dun worry, everything's fine now. :) once again, thanks everyone.
- by comrade Thomas @ times 10:34 PM, November 26, 2004
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Wednesday, November 17, 2004, 9:12:00 PM | permalink |
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A quick run through of the exams I've taken.
General Paper was smoooth. History paper 1 (European History) was devastating. I saw the questions & was totally shattered. Went home feeling crushed & as if glass sharpnels were being forced into my scalp. Wasn't in a correct state of mind the next few days. (sorry Mel.) Flipped open the Bible one night out of a mix of boredom-panic & came across Psalm 130:1-2. Literature Paper 1 & Economics Paper 3 (Essays) today were much better. I can't say that I did those papers like a fucking genius, (an ego-boosting lie I chant to myself before I step into the exam halls to prop up my confidence) but I can at least say I studied the correct things, & the topics did came out, so- No regrets, I gave my best. Close those 2 chapters behind me & move on. Friday is Literature Paper 8, aka the "Unseen Paper". In this case, "Unseen" means that whatever text/poem/play that they choose to create questions from, we won't know. So not much preparations for that. Monday (Lit P2, Econs 1 & 2) & Tuesday (History Paper 2 [South-East Asia] will be killers. But for now, time to catch a breather & regain some semblances of sanity. Mood: HATE this year's November. >=| |
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...| by comrade commissar | May-Lynn | @ Friday, November 12, 2004, 1:03:00 AM | permalink |
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Thomas told me to post this because he wants to see if I'm going to make any spelling mistakes after my night out. I am, in fact, not drunk. I am merely a little buzzed and I didn't drink that much anyway.
So. I don't really know what to write about. I just finished reading a really great comic called Transmetropolitan. It's under DC/Vertigo (actually, it used to be under Helix, which was DC's sci-fi comic arm, but that folded) and it's about a mad, misanthropic journalist called Spider Jerusalem who goes around his futuristic, decaying city searching for the Truth and telling it against all odds. The artwork (oops, almost made a typo there) is fantastic and each panel is beautifully detailed. The colours are sharp and the inking is superb. I forgot how to spell superb there, for a moment. As a journalist, Spider's ongoing quest for the truth cuts deep. I have no idea what I just typed. OK, rephrase. As a former student journalist, I identify with Spider's beliefs, although his professional ethics are questionable. I'm very sleepy. This was harder than I thought. Goodnight. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Thursday, November 11, 2004, 11:05:00 PM | permalink |
Jason told me the shots were ready. I think I'll let them do the story-telling:
... and those shots were a pictoral summary of my PK trip some time back this year. HELLO SINGAPORE Le' Parkour COMMUNITY! >:] A big thanks goes to Jason for the time, energy & artistic creativity he spent during the shoot. The original post where these pix came from is here. Do go check out Jason's other creative works @ my-graffiti-wall.blogspot.com . Cheers. |
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Thanks for publicising my digital fotos work blog. They do turn out well with the co-operation of your stunt. Credits to U, bro.
Hey, u guys out there do come n support my fotos work blog and leave some comments, B4 i shift all those stuff to deviantart.com.Thanks alot...
- by comrade Jason @ times 2:06 AM, November 13, 2004
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Saturday, November 06, 2004, 1:00:00 AM | permalink |
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(Its actually 03rd Nov, 6:48pm at the moment, I'm typing this in advance)
"She speaks poniards, and every word stabs!" Something I might have lamented in private just a few years back. But in the days, months & years since, I've have to enjoy that sharpness & wit in her thoughts when we talk. It adds on an additional layer of beauty to her that is neither skin deep nor can be seen with the eye. "... she were endowed with all that Adam had left him... " This quote has "I would not marry her" in front of it. I disagree with that part... But yes, you are beautiful beyond words. When I say "beyond words", I mean that for me to try making analogies, my limited vocabulary will fail me. "In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.Umm. Moo? According to the Chinese zodiac, I'm an ox anyways. Melody Tan, I'm fortune's fool (in a good way!) in knowing you. I'm a fool in other ways too, for example, in this poor attempt to woo/impress you, or anyone for that matter, with corny references made to Shakespearean quotes. But I still think that you would make a wonderful Beatrice, me a so-so Benedick. Without any other meddlesome characters' involvement, we've come such a long way together. I would love to share many more years with you, & perhaps do a Shakespeare reading in one of those years. Have I mentioned that I love you? Happy early birthday. |
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Thank you, and I love you too. Very much.
Also, I am impressed, and am looking forward to that Shakespeare reading. I will remind you of it exactly twenty years from now.
PS. Now, since I'm reading this on Nov 3, we will go back to our scheduled programming of hatred (in which I know you will join me): AMERICA! YOU OBESE, IGNORANT FUCKTARDS! WHY ARE YOU GIVING 51% OF YOUR POPULAR VOTE TO BUSH???
- by comrade May-Lynn @ times 8:07 PM, November 03, 2004
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Bah, it'd be miraculous if Kerry could somehow squeak through Ohio. Had a feeling this would happen anyway. As much as I wanted Kerry to win. Oh well, looking forward to the world ending in a blaze of thermonuclear glory...
Oh, happy birthday Melody and all the best to the both of you. You guys have something special, I'll pray that you two will be happy for a long time.
And if you guys do wed *cue wedding song*, I wouldn't hesitate to fly down there :P
- by comrade Jeiel Aranal @ times 10:28 PM, November 03, 2004
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To Zerobyte: Thanks. If that event takes place, you will be declared guest of honour and will have to spend all evening telling embarrassing stories about Thomas's childhood to a drunken crowd.
Also, I hope Bush chokes on another pretzel and gets it right this time by dropping dead.
- by comrade May-Lynn @ times 10:51 PM, November 04, 2004
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yay! i'll help, too.
- by comrade Unknown @ times 10:29 PM, November 06, 2004
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yay! i'll help, too.
- by comrade mies` @ times 10:29:54 PM
Umm. What the hell.
- by comrade Thomas @ times 12:13 PM, November 22, 2004
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...| by comrade commissar | May-Lynn | @ Tuesday, November 02, 2004, 9:55:00 PM | permalink |
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I know Thomas likes publicising gigs and stuff on his blog so since he's out of action online for the present I'll do this one. There's gonna be a gig called Ska Wars at the Substation Garden on Saturday, 6th November. Starts at 4pm, ends late, bring your own food and drinks. Tickets are $8 at the door.
It's mainly a ska-punk event, but don't let that stop you - there's a band called The Model Lipstiques playing at 4pm and they're pretty good. Kinda like a less jaded, lo-fi Pulp with a Singaporean accent. Other bands include System Kills People, Punkrocket, Bloody Rejects, etc. I have no idea what the rest sound like. Noisy and incoherent, probably. Here's a little trick to use if you're not sure whether or not the gig is worth $8. Bring a camera, explain you're a student on a school project and ask if you can pop in to snap a few photos. The organisers will usually let you in. Once you're in, take a look around and see if you like the bands. If you don't, snap - or pretend to snap - a few photos and get the hell out. If you do like the music, go back outside, tell them you've decided to stay for the whole thing as a member of the audience and pay up. Don't be an asshole and stay without paying, though. Support the arts and all that. |
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...| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Monday, November 01, 2004, 1:11:00 AM | permalink |
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This is the sort of news to spoil your day & cloud your thoughts for the following hours afterwards.
straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/sub/latest/story/0,5562,282407,00.html? (requires registration) THE search for missing eight-year-old Huang Na drew to a close on Sunday in the worst possible way: Her naked body was found badly-decomposed, unrecognisable and stuffed into a box less than half her size.When the news of her disappearance first came out afew weeks back, my reaction was: "So what? what's it got to do with me?" Its not that I'm cold-hearted, its just that there's always that assumption that the girl will eventually be found safe & sound, & all this fuss will be then seen as being overboard. It just seems more logical to assume that here in "I can go out at 3am & not get killed" Singapore, we can at least be sure that sadistic tragedies are mostly odd annodotes from international news sources. Right? At the moment I feel a sense of bitter anger. I'm not really sure who this anger is directed at - The culprit(s)? The police? Disappointment & a rude reminder of the darkness that dwell within Man? The realisation that a child of 8 years, who had many more years before her, had it suddenly snatched away? That a mother is alive to know that her flesh & blood has passed on before herself in such unimaginable circumstances? I think to express sympathy & regret over this would mean nothing to everyone who is concerned. The fact is that this has happened, & I won't be sleeping in peace tonight. Why did it have to end up like this? |
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To me, it's just one of those bad news in the newspaper, seriously. I'm not cold-hearted or what...
- by comrade Jason @ times 11:29 PM, November 02, 2004
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Yes, you are cold-hearted if you can read about a little girl's murder in the newspaper and write it off as just "bad news". This is news that means some part of our society failed to look out for Huang Na, and her death is the result of this oversight. This is especially evident, given the story of her life in Singapore.
Bad news would be about accidents that nobody could prevent happening. This, on the other hand, is tragic news, and demands a deeper response.
PS. (Why yes, my favourite colour is obnoxious!)
- by comrade May-Lynn @ times 8:25 PM, November 03, 2004
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