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"... Wow, you have a lot of emotional baggage to come to terms with" |
| by comrade commissar | Thomas | @ Saturday, October 23, 2004, 3:26:00 PM | permalink |
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What is anger? Is it quantifiable? Is it part of you? Separate personality altogether?
Is it a means to an end? Is it a means to my end? But it seems so impotent. But it asserts such authority! Why is it I feel powerless & overtaken when real anger looms its fearsome head? I think about my anger as a creature, a person even. And most of the time this guy is kept in a small room, locked behind a solid door. Once opened, this door allows access to the wide room that is my consciousness. I don't like this other person I become when I get angry, so I try to calm myself down & repress it. Most of the time when people get angry they also lose their cool, & the next step to embarrassing themselves is not far behind. Anger when used with cold-minded focus however is lethal. In that state, anger becomes like a tool, a weapon. It scares me that when I get into a real fury I'm more often the latter. Don't get mad, get even. Do damage. The reason I never picked up any form of martial arts - Once, during my secondary school years, just before I was about to leave for home, I got unwillingly slammed by a friend trying out a WWF (WWE now) stunt. Got up & realised my school shirt got dusty. BAM, I pushed him down. Violent kicks at a cowering body in a fetal position withering from pain. As abruptly as the blows started, I stopped, walked away, went back, & gave the guy who was still on the floor another swift kick. That was the only time I really got physical violent. I want to make sure that it stays the only time. A few days ago, my girlfriend & me reminisced about the days back in my secondary school. It started pleasantly enough, but all of a sudden the mood of the conversation took a sharp dive. I start recalling in vivid detail all the reasons why I feel aversion to specific teachers, even now when I visit the school as an ex-student. I couldn't remember what other recollections I related to, but I remember noticing that frightful anger in the tone of my voice as I went on, a quality of thick darkness. Strange, I seemed calm enough when I first left the school. It sure took me long enough to expel all this emotional phlegm that dwell within for so long. At the end of my ranting, I felt a sense of catharsis. I was glad that she was there to listen, not that I wanted to put her through this awfulness intentionally. (YES Mel, I owe you.) Sometimes it takes constant pushing back & withholding. Sometimes it should never be let out. But sometimes, what might be best might be to confront your anger, in all its ugliness, & hurl it out like a bottle into the sea. Don't look back in anger, don't let it last for more than a day. Easy. All I need to do now is to learn to abide by these principles myself. |
PS: If you're commenting Anonymously please sign off with your name/nick. Thanks.
Anger, an ecstasy, cause your heart to lie and tongue to poison, also a catalyst to speed up the process...
- by comrade 
Jason @ times 12:08 AM, October 25, 2004
[delete? click on the dustbin.]
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recent entries (in order) |
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<--latest post-- Stunt--Memories from my sec sch past--"Honey, let's go watch the Fight Club ballet."--Echo fading, we can't let go, she goes walking by ...--Forgive The Barren Surroundings--The geek At The Gig. Ugh the "Yishun Gig" SUCKED.--Another Hyperactive Sunday--Garden State...--The Thing About Making BS Advertisements--The Four "Cans"-- --last post--> |
